As a drummer myself, I feel that drummer jokes are stupid shit and belong here in this section. I recently encountered a web site with drummer jokes on it. One that sticks into my mind is: If The Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, A good drummer, and a bed drummer were in one room and there was $1 million in the center, who would get it? Answer: The bad drummer, because the other 3 don't exist. I thought that this was bull shit! We aren't the people who should be getting made fun of. i do believe that we sweat the most after each and every gig. So these stupid jokes can go in the stupid shit section where they belong!
Well dude, being a drummer MY-self, I would have to say that at many times I agree with you. BUT at the same time, a joke is a joke. They have drummer ones and thank god they have guitarist ones! Like try these on for size:
How do you get 2 guitarists to play in sinc with one another? Shoot one of them.
How do you tell if there's a guitarist at your front door? By the dominoes pizza hat.
What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common? You know its coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just steal somebody elses light.
What did the guitarist do when he was told to turn on his amp? He carressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
whats the best thing to play on guitar? Solitaire.
In the 22nd century how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source? Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
and finally whats the range of a fretless six string? About 20 yards if you have a good arm!
Theres plenty out there for drummers, guitarists and bass players. Just like everything in the world. What you need to try is being the only drummer at the Phipps residence. Damn man they all play guitar, and have the drummer jokes to hand out man! But I bet you they cant all move all four of their limbs at different times and different beats! I mean I can at least play a couple chords, and sing half a song or two, but can they keep a beat on a full set for more than 2 seconds? I dunno. Its all give and take.
Stu, You are absolutely right. There are many jokes for other musicians out there. But, it seems as though we get picked on the most. People think our girlfriends are a lot hotter than those of the other members, and we get stuck with carrying the most equipment. Whoever invented wheels should be thanked because I probably would have spinal problems from carrying my hardware case without them.
What do you do with a kid who can't keep the beat?
Give him two sticks and send him to the back of the band.
What do you do if he still can't keep the beat?
Take away one stick and send him to the front of the band.
Chill out! Those who can't take a joke don't deserve the title of drummer. I've been playing drums & percussion for 40 years and there aren't enough drummer jokes for me! By the way, did you hear about the drummer who went to a Ravi Shankar concert and was blow away by the tabla player. After the concert the drummer asked the tabla player, "How do you know where you are in those crazy time signatures?" The tabla player replied, "Strong back beat on 3 and 11!"
Hey! Look, having to put up w/ drummer jokes is just one of those things that comes with being a drummer. Just like when the band gets off tempo, who does the band director point to? Who else?!!? The drummers, duh!! personally I think drummer jokes are pretty damn funny. Even though most of them refer to guy drummers. What about the drummer chicks? So if you can't take the heat, get a horn! ~LilDrummerChick~
Now I'll start off by saying once again, drummer Jokes are drummer jokes....it comes with the Job. Thats how I feel, but to set something straight, it aint always the drummer who gets "off tempo." This coming from someone who is a drummer, but who has also played a certain horn instrument for longer than ive played drums. I played the clarinet for about 10 years, and was very good at it. I was the first seat clarinet for 3 years before moving onto bass clarinet for 2 and a half years, and then finally onto the drums. The most primal instrument in existence. The first instrument in existence actually. You think the cave men strummed tightly strung muscle strands? Or did they beat the shit out of rocks and logs and trees, and then skins and so on and so forth? I think its the latter of the two if we think intelligently. Ahhh....the drums the begginning of the musical instrument, the for-father shall we say. So remember, show your respects, make your jokes, but show your respect. Getting back to where I was origionally going before that lil tantrum. Ive also played in about 5 different concert bands, and have heard good players and bad players for ALL instruments. Needless to say it does not come down to the instrument, but the player themself. Got a dumb ass and a trumpet? you got off tempo. Got a dumbass and a Kettle drum? You got off tempo. Got a dumbass and a picollo? You got off tempo. Got a dumbass and a guitar? You got off tempo. Now also once again coming from myself as a drummer, who (being realistic here) can keep the beat correct 99% of the time, Clint and Cody were the second guitarists I came accross in a 3 year period that could keep tempo themselves. And do you even know what its like when a guitarist can't hold his own? speeding up slowing down going sparadic, and meanwhile your trying to play along....or even worse sing??? Have you tried singing during something like that??? I know there are many other guitarists out there who can hold their own as well. But remember.....its the player not the players choice of instrument that decides the outcome of their musical intelligence. Try and tell Carter Beuford (DMB), or Tim Bikowski (drummer for the former kaliope band) that the Drums are not an instrument, or any less important than the guitars! See how far you get.
Well to tell you the truth I'm more "embarrassed" to say im a guy who plays the clarinet.....I looked at it as more of a way to avoid the question "yeah well how would you know....you're just a drummer."
Tim Bikowski moving a mountain with his drumming might as well be an understatement. That guy can make those drums sing man! Amity....you know what im talkin about. Ever since the first time I saw that guy play, my mouth was awestruck on the floor! The only other word to explain it simply is: "Damn..."
How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one; he just holds it up and the WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HIM.
heh heh heh...
Seriously though, the whole band has to lock up. A drummer with a great clock isn't going to help if the bass player isn't right there with him, and the guitarist isn't on the groove... ever go see a band where everyone else is right on, but the singer keeps coming in early or late? Depressing. EVERYONE has to be a musician. Don't depend on the drummer for everything.
where are my shoes, has anyone seen them? email me if you have seen them, there blue and green with black laces and a velcro thing on the back. i left them at a music club somewhere and there was a band, i figured someone here would know. hello? why wont anyone talk to me? YOOHOO!!!?>???
ok, yea, that was gay,
drummers are the foundation, bass players r 2, guitarists are the frosting and everything else is just, ICING ON THE CAKE! there are jokes about black people white people, blondes brunettes, whatever, so everything can be made fun of so just live and laugh and love, Peace
Micheal Caine goes up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What kind of cigar are you smoking there?" "It's a Lawrence Welk." says Milton. "What's a Lawrence Welk?" Micheal asks. Milton says "It's a piece of crap with a band wrapped around it."
drummer, plays bass drum and controls hihat with foot (fine art as can make many tones) plays hat and snare and multiple cymbals and drums with arms, sometimes sings, and keeps time. nearly always playing to the height of ability, pressed to come up with ultimate suitable beat in one go, no questions asked, and learn in an instant.
takes a lil more talent than playing other shit. trust me, ive played a multitude of instruments in my time.
oh and i also do percussion, and i'd love most people to watch the percussiion section of an orchestra and see how much we do. we are not talentless. we are not crap.
oh and the sheet music jokes.... have you ever read drum music? psh... reading notes across a page, yeah fine. considering one little part can be telling you to play 4-6 instruments at once... well....i'd love you to explain it to me!
not that i'm disagreeing with you or anything, cause i've ben a drummer since i was 7. but you DO know, that drums are one of the easiest instrumnets to learn? yes, grantit that the drummer does use practically his whole body to play the drums, but it isn't any harder to learn the drums than it is almost any other instrumnet. in fact, it's harder to learn how to play the guitar. i read once that the guitar is one of the most hardest thing to learn to play. but you can't base things such as that on just plain facts. it also has something to do on how well you use your brain as well (how dumb or smart you are, basicly) and how coordinate you are, on whether which instrument is harder to play and which is easier.
like i've said, i've been a drummer since i was 7, and yes you have more experience than i do, but even still, that's your own opinion on which is harder to play.
i've played guitar and bass before. mainly drums, and i gotta say, guitar is harder to learn than either bass or drums. it all depends on which talents you have and which ones you don't, really.
id have to disagree AND agree with you on that 1. actually, i think that its the guitar thats easier to play than the drums. thats jsut me though. its just what instrument you were meant to play and which ones you have trouble with.
i agree with you on the second half though, about which instruments the person him/herself are better at playing. it all depends on the person
In my opinion I would have to say that any instrument that plays only a single note at a time, tends to be an easier instrument. Trumpets, clarinets, flutes...the more difficult part with these instruments is the form of your mouth which ends up being painful very quickly if you dont have the muscle strength, which trust me most of us dont unless you play (regularly). Also in instruments like the trumpet or french horn you need multiple lip forms that have to be just right to hit the correct notes. Similar in essence to fingering the fretless neck of a violin or bass...you need muscle strength, muscle memory and a good ear.
However, I would say in general these instruments can be very difficult to learn, yet once learned easier to play, and play correctly. The music is also easier to read and more straight forward once you learn to read it.
The more difficult instruments to play, and play correctly would be instruments that have to combine notes together regularly to in most cases form chords. Guitar, bass, piano, and though it doesnt form chords...drums. Reading music for most of these as well, is often more difficult, though most fingerings can be associated with the main note of the chord, and simply written as such leaving a little creativity to the player to spice it up some. Though even this shortcut you dont really have with the drums. I would say that the two most difficult written music to read would come from the piano and the drums. I would also tend to agree that drums are easy to learn (however, very hard to master, as anything I suppose), but I have also been very good at keeping beats and separating most of my limbs...so I picked it up fast. However, I know lots of people that try and try and just can't do it. So it deffinately depends on the person...
i'd have to agree with you there. except for the fact that drumming music notes are hard to read. to me, it's easier to read than a bass line or a guitar riff music line. (basing this off the fact that i've been able to read music my whole life.) it's been stated many times, it just depends on the person. drums are easier for me than a bass or guitar because i have good hand-eye coordination. i know how to keep on beat, which is mainly the only hard part about drums. a guitarist or a bassist and such can get off beat for a sec, and fix it up by going into the next riff or so. drummers can't do that. i drummer gets off of beat they either need to slow down or speed up and get back to beat. it's more noticeable that the drummer is off seeing as how that's basicly the "keeper" of the beat. the bassist just basicly follows the guitarist, and may tend to tread off, if not do the opposite of what the guitarist does, in order to get a certain effect to a song.
when i played trombone and trumpet back in the ol' days on junior high, the band teacher would always have the trombones play a low note, as to having the trumpets playing a higher note. in doing that, you get a certain sound effect. same between bass and guitars (generally/roughly around the same lines).
but i'd still have to agree with stu, you can practice and practice and practice your ass off on something, and can't get it.
also, seeing as how that on drums, you just hit things, and in guitars and such, you have many different riffs and fingerings that give the guitar a different pitch with each one. (example, e7, a minor, b cord, etc.) not being an experienced guitarist, don't really have much room to talk about guitars and their sounds and such.
The ancient swedish mboki-mboki flute, with its 80 pound single string, is the hardest instrument to play. Now enough with the instrument comparisons, let's get back to drummer jokes!
Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
In response to toz ask (or whatever) Have you ever read piano music? Although I agree the coordination it takes to play drumset is high, it is no more or less than what any other performer requires on his/her instrument. Where guitarists/bassists are absent in coordination, they make up with the demand of having to read notes. How many drummers actually care about the key signature/key changes, etc. No instrument is harder than any other, as they all call on certain skills to play. Anyone in here who says all you do is hit things behind the set, probably hasn't been there. It is a lot more difficult than it seems, but no more or less difficult than playing guitar/bass/piano, etc. Now let's put this argument to a rest and tell more jokes!
Stu, do you know what double-stops are? All stringed instruments have the added trouble of having to play double-stops, harmonics, artificial harmonics, and not to mention the horrible rite of passage that is learning the bow! plus, with the exception of the trombone, the strings are the only instruments that can play all of the notes between E and Eb. Also, I wouldn't say that the flute is a monotimbral instrument. There is a technique where you actually sing tones while blowing into the flute; NOT an easy task.
I was just re-reading this and came over this quote
"the bassist just basicly follows the guitarist, and may tend to tread off, if not do the opposite of what the guitarist does, in order to get a certain effect to a song. "
Cean, ever played/listened to bass? Ever played/listened to jazz? Bass in no way is supposed to follow guitar. Maybe it does in all of these shitty punk bands, or maybe occasionally to give a certain effect, but the primary function of playing bass is to supply rhythm. Bassists follow drums! Having played bass for over 7 years, I can tell you that every tune I've ever written has been coordinated with what the drummer is playing. You can almost here a line in the beat the drummer is putting out. I think everyone who's never played an instrument shouldn't talk or make assumptions about that instrument.
i've ben playen bass for about 4 years now. what i'm sayen is, the bassist basicly gives the heartbeat of a song, and yeah, it follows the drummer more often than not, but also in some circumstances, the bassist also follows the guitarist, and not just in pop rock bands.
Most good musicians know that it is irrelevant who follows who and which instrument leads. The main thing in any given composition is whether it sounds good (or in some cases, whether it is interesting on an intellectual level). All "rules" in music can be broken, and the depth, intricacy, and originality of your music is relative to that of your imagination and inclination.
it's someone's opinion on whether a musician sucks or not. but anyways, get back on the subject shouldn't we?
(although i'm all out of drummer jokes at the moment, atleast SOMEBODY should have a good one.)
oh, and btw, i was reading everything on the post, and some of you take drummer and musician jokes pretty seriously. why? like it was said many many MANY many times on this post, it just comes with being a drumemr/musician. i have to agree with that. but if you take them seriously, well, that just takes the fun out of the jokes! or in some cases put more in it. ;)
but why take them seriously? it's one of the responsibilities of being a musician.
but i have to say, yes, the drummer sweats more after each and every gig, and the drummer gets the most physical excersise during any performance, and builds the most upper-body muscles. so i'd have to say, yes drummer jokes are funny. but watch it, one might be on the immature side and take it seriously and whoop yer ass with his drum sticks or something...
Ok all people mention are the snare drummers and base drummers in rock bands ect... but what about the other drummers like for example drummers in a fife and drum corps. like the one im in, they dont get much credit but fife and drum corps. are part of the foundation of bands and other music things...thats all i have to say about that, and on the drum jokes....KEEP EM COMING!!!
drummers or any musicians for that matter aren't in a band for credit. i understand what you're talking about but you shouldn't be worrying in who gets the credit but worrying about how the music itself sounds.
Me myself believe that girl drummers are just as good as guy drummers. Ok see im in the eighth grade and the 3rd bass drummer on our drumline and, not to brag, but we were pretty darn good. An example : we did 30 second notes in a matter of a couple of months after we first started practicing. So i would just like to say that !*Drummer chicks*! are just a good as guys so there!
Lars.....anh, big deal hes got a wee bit of skill on the double bass. Niel....now theres a drum god. Danny Carey...another drum god. Carter Beauford....yet another drum god. But as for women drummers....there really arent any that stand out in my mind as being as amazing as the above mentioned drum gods. And all that leads me to say is: Women/ladies/girls....we need more of you on the set damn it! Get crackin, dont give up, and practice as often as you can, every day if possible! MUSIC, and ROCK needs you!
I think that they are extremely funny i mean who really cares its only a joke. All the drummers i no are pretty clever so it doesnt actually matter just calm down man. Though some of the jokes about guitarists and bassists are quite funny. But chill out im a drummer and i know that it takes no real talent to hit some drums with a couple of sticks.
drummers do appear hott to us girls but i dont know why you guys just are but you do have to say that the drummer jokes are pretty funny and it does take some tallent to play the drums because my friends that dont play the drums they come over to my house and play on my drum set and when they do i leave the house and go down the street becasue i cant stand to here them they are sooo bad later
Not a reply.... Just a coment from a normal Human??? Sorta normal!!! Starts off with a question??? Do you ever hear a good drummer fuck up??? Answer!!! RARELY!!!! If they do, they realize it, usually before it happens... There are ways to fix a fuck up!!!! The best way, which works best if the people you are playing with realize it too, is to repate your fuck up 4,8,16,32,64... You see where i am going with that shit!!! If for the first 4 or 8 times you go through the fuck up, you are creating a fucked up jam... bring the dinamic way up, then back down to a long as build up... Alter your fuck up in different patterns.. the paradiddle or double paradiddle, or the parradiddlediddle shit yousually works splendidly... eventually turning into a sick jam... bring the shit back up till its built up and every one is happy... then you bust back into some funk or some shit!!!! But at a medium dynamic... It makes it benificcial to fuck up!!!! It is also fun if you figure that there will be at least one fuck up jam like that in a show... so you plan on when it happens, figure out a song of POLKA IN 3/8!!!!! ANd figure out a way to come out of the polka ---> Some funk!!!!! If any one reads this.... I thank you!!!!! Solong and fare well!!!
I reply to my self only once!!!!! I shit you not!!!! I am from NJ... Dr Nick told me about Phlux!!!! THe website of my band is old and shity.... The songs are old and shity.... from 2002 or 2003, maybe 2004... not quite sure... but if anyone cares, AT ALL, www.ludlowstation.com an atempt of a website for now at least!!!! Thank you once more!!!!
So i am a lying bitch!!! I truley apologize for my spelling and my lying, lying shit!!! I dont know if this helps, but i love you!!!! inside, and at the end of the fuck up jam, If you can bring it down into a solo of just the guitar, drums, keys, bass, or what ever... fiddle, who cares what it is... and everyone else in the band can get a beer and dance... then slowly hop back up one by one... then add some bass... then maybe anouther guitar... then maybe some keys..then maybe some hand percussion. then have the drumer count off indiscreetly and either play like 4 more measures, or phrases... then come back into the song that started the fuck up jam!!! endless possibilities!!! This is always a good time for a doubble time too!!!! or half time: For the drums!!!! Not every thing else!!!! or any way you want... I am sighning off... I am soo drunk right now and i love you... KEEP IT real kids!!!!
I am a girl drummer. I'm not the best, I'll admit....but I'm pretty good. As for you guys saying that girls will never reach the level of Lars and Vinnie....we'll see. Someday there will be a female drummer appear out of nowhere. All though I am all about Female Musicians, my drumming role-models are Shannon Larkin and Sully Erna of Godsmack. They both SERIOUSLY ROCK! And if you are "man enough" to play drums, you should me "man enough" to be able to take the jokes! If not, don't call yourself a "Drummer" call yourself a Pansy!
Question: Is the drummer for Kid Rock male or female? Looks like a girl to me, although "she" looks a bit strange. I suppose I could do some research to find the answer, but I don't really feel like doing that right now and I figure that someone here will know the answer.
One day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks. After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven: "Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!"
ok i looked at the first post on ere and i had to say, if dis guy is a drummer he should be a lead singer as he complaining like one. i mean cum on dude were all retards in our own lil world any way, but where always seen as the men in the band, like dis joke 'whats black and blue and in a ditch.....a guitar player who told too many drummer jokes' dat shows dat were men not boys, look at the jokes and remember der only jokes, and if ya wana be a true drummer ya gona want to be able to take a joke
I am a drummer too. my band is on www.freewebs.com/ftballrulz. im jason, and I also lead sing. Drummers really rock, and its wat keeps and beat. dont be messin with us or bass players, its the people that just sing that are worth nothing.
I agree that if you're "man enough" to play drums, you should be "man enough" to take a few jokes. I'm a female percussionist, and I think these jokes are hilarious, and if you're a drummer in a band or on a drumline, you know better than anyone that we joke around the most. We get many evil looks from our director (who happens to be a percussionist himself) for joking around during warmups.
How can he expect us to keep a straight face when he's telling the clarinets to "push in" or "pull out", and then we'll "F around the room" and make sure to "double tongue"?
I mean yes, we as high schoolers are immature...I don't even want to know where my sticks have been. And I do worry about the stains on the drum closet's floor, but that's half the fun. The other half is just being on drumline, and being one of the only girls in a huge group of guys. What could be better than counting to four for what seems like forever just to do two measures of a concert roll at the end of a 17-minute Russian Christmas piece? Or screaming MAMBO! during my solo of Mambo Schmambo? And my police whistle feature during Marisa's Merengue. Or busting a hole in the concert bass head while playing Taiko? Or breaking the ghetto xylophone an hour before the concert? Or having the drumline captain burn a freshman's hair with the lighter when he was supposed to be melting the ends of the new marimba cord? Or racing down the sideline of the football field to see which snare could get in line first? and SCATTER DRILLS! Dancing when playing for the cheerleaders, making fun of their grand total of four cheers, and the "Whore Corps" aka...the drill team. And quite possibly my favorite: the three senior guys on drumline dancing like Oompa Loompas during "Good King Wenceslas". In front of grandparents and the like.
I'd never trade my drumline guys for anything. Which is why I suck it up when someone makes fun of drummers because I know that it's not a personal attack. It's an attack on the drummers who actually do suck.
I agree that drummers kick ass.. but you're not giving the winds and strings enough credit. I mean, do you expect to walk out on a stage and do a drum ordeal with nothing else. Drums do their part, but without a melody it'd be nothing but beats and to be honest, it'd be boring. The only cool drum solo I've ever seen was a Timpine (sp?) done by this kid named Taylor. It kicked ass.. but if that's all music was nobody'd be interested in it. I've always envied the percussion section, but as a clarinitist I feel like you guys are making us look like a bunch of unworthy musicians. It's not easy, what we do. The intonation is enough to kill you.. I just thought you should consider that we all do our part. Also.. someone said that drummers get the most shit.. that's not true, flutes do.
I think this section is about Drummer Jokes. I don't believe it is too offend Drummers. I have a deep love for all kinds of music and musicians. I am a singer. I am not good with any instrument. I can play little of the drums and and piano. However, I am learning to teach myself. I disagree with the line in someones previous posts that said that if you can only sing you are worth nothing. There are many musicians out there who can not sing worth shit, however are incredible with there instrument. There is not one part that is more important than the other in a band. I believe all musicians nomatter what instrument they use should be respected.
I totally agree with you..I'm also a drummer and a back up singer and people just think that since your the drummer that your the low life of the band because theres a few drummers that didn't graduate high school. Have they even looked on how many other musicians that didn't graduate?!...have they ever have to deal with all the fire and sparks shooting right behind them and still keep the beat?! no, course not they just watch the guitarist up in front and say how wonderful they are...