College Student

A friend of mine who is a music major at Duquesne University emailed this to me the other day. I thought it was pretty funny and stupid, so why not post it in the stupid shit section? I am a college student. I have a specific shower stall which I refer to as 'mine' and my feet will never touch the floor of it. I am a college student. I try to rotate stalls in the bathroom so I can read all the material taped to the walls. I am a MALE college student. I always have more than one condom on hand. Two in one nite? morning after? you never know. I am a college student. I now fail to distinguish the difference in taste between water and beer. I am a FEMALE college student. I own a sweater which resembles a bathrobe. I am a college student. I didn't get my homework done cuz the kid I share a book with wasn't home last nite to get it to me. I am a college student. Drunken scrawlings on my message board or late nite drunken IM's from friends across campus no longer perplex me. I am a college student. Somebody keeps stealing my damn message board marker. I am a college student. I pre-party in my room just so I will be drunk enough not to notice the sub-zero weather when I walk to the bar without a coat. I am a college student. I pray for hotties in my classes so that I will have a reason to go to that class. i will, however, never talk to any of these hotties. I am a college student. I can no longer remember what was cooked in those dirty dishes. I am a college student. I have seen more than one party turn into a strip show. I am a college student. My telephone number only has 4 digits. I am a college student. I have spent nites on the floor because I couldn't get up the ladder to my bed. I am a college student. I see no problem fitting 2 people in one twin size bed. I am a MALE college student. I know that a gentleman would let her sleep next to the wall. (It's a long way to the floor.) I am a college student. I will cross busy streets just to pick up what might be a quarter. I am a college student. I want a girl/boyfriend that disappears from 9pm-2am every friday and saturday nite, reappearing undressed in bed with me when I get home. I am a college student. Answering machine messages are a thing to be celebrated. I am a college student. When I see movie trailers on TV, I say 'I can't wait to RENT that' I am a college student. Going 'out to eat' no longer involves getting in a vehicle. I am a college student. I don't know half of my professors' names. I am a FEMALE college student. I use empty beer bottles for vases. I am a college student. Christmas lights are a year-round decoration. I am a college student. Laundry bags double as suitcases. I am a college student. The 'clink' sound that my fridge door makes when it opens makes me very very happy. I am a FEMALE college student. I have worn my huge fuzzy slippers to the cafeteria at dinnertime. I am a college student.....live in a 2 x 2 ft cinder blocked prison with no windows I am a college student.... I have gained 15 pounds or more since August, most of that is BudLight, my best friend. I am a college student... I got more ass in the first two weeks of school than in my entire life combined...now I get less than ever. I do the walk of shame"...leaving his/hers room at 7:00am in the same clothes I was wearing the night before. I am a college student...I drink Beast from a keg and Busch Light from a can. I will walk in the cold, dark and snow for beer but refuse to go to class in the same weather. I am a college student...If I am female, I wear a pea coat, black boot leg pants and platform shoes -and have been molested by more than one frat guy on the dance floor. I am a college student...I have a 2.1 GPA. I have Mono, but don't sleep except during my classes. I am a college student...I have forgot what privacy is. I never make my 8:00 am class and have hooked up with every guy/girl in my dorm. I am a college student.... I drink more vodka than water; my savior is the toilet....I black out for extended periods of time several nights a week. I am a college student... My friends tell me the next day about the striptease I did at the party the night before, that I can't remember. I think cigarettes, coffee, cheetos, and Ramen Noodles as being a complete meal. I am a college student...I forgot about the love-of-my-life-boyfriend/girlfriend at home, as soon as I stepped foot on campus. I go to bed at 2am and get up at 11 am everyday. I promise myself everyday that tomorrow I will get up and go to that class that I somehow keep sleeping through. I am a college student...My computer is used for two purposes - AOL instant Messenger and MP3/Napster. I have gotten in a fight with at least one person in my dorm and we hate each other now. I am a college student... I think nothing of going to bed at 3:30am on Wacky Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Fucked up Friday, and getting up at 8:00am, still drunk, and going to class. I am a COLLEGE STUDENT... The real lessons I've learned in life are not the pretty "friendship forever" ones. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that waiting till the last minute to study for finals...really is STUPID. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just real assholes. I've learned that it takes years to buildup and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think. I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their in the long running dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. I've learned that no matter how parents try to protect their children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper. Ive learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important annoying ones just never go away. I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

posted by Jess Chahanovich on Apr 06, 2002 09:07PM

Jessica, that whole shit, was so true. I have experienced just about everything you got in the email, and I am just in my second year. Shit, I can't wait for the rest of my college life.

posted by -- -- on Aug 18, 2002 09:49PM

dude...im not even in college and I understand most of that crap. it's sad. im just essentially a college student trapped inside a high schooler's body with a 12 year old face. how sad

posted by Jess Chahanovich on Aug 18, 2002 10:36PM

As I'm sure all of you of the correlating age group know, school has officially started this week for the ol' college bound (and everyone else for that matter)! I am just gonna give a shout out to anyone on here who is going, was going, has gone, or is going to go, at some point in the future, to any type of school or educating institution. I am here to tell you that the hoops we jump through may seem overly large at the time, but just wait till you're done (or close to it). Its gonna look a lot better on the other side. Anyway, I'll appreciate all or any comments on for against, or just generally about scholastic endeavors or any kind, great or small. This includes horror stories, embarassments, frustrations, best-worst days, and anything else about the topic. Go for it. We wanna hear it.

posted by Cody Phipps on Sep 04, 2002 11:16PM

Wow I miss being in college. Now I write things like...I am employed by a dot com not all of my friends are anymore.

posted by Cat Bartash on Sep 05, 2002 03:04PM

Ok, here's ONE of my embarassing moments...my freshman year I was sitting on the floor with a bunch of pals, imbibing, and I laughed so hard I peed myself.

posted by Ever Curious on Sep 07, 2002 05:17PM

Anybody ever had one of those dreams where you go through a whole semester only to find out that you missed an entire class that you were signed up for, and therefore you get a big fat F?

posted by Cody Phipps on Sep 08, 2002 10:59AM

Hey, that is the most acurate discription of college lide that I can think of. I might only be a first year at RIT, but hell half of that has already happened to most of the people that I know including me. Kich ass post!

posted by mike l. on Oct 03, 2002 04:01PM

Thanks, I enjoyed it myself...

posted by Jess Chahanovich on Oct 03, 2002 09:33PM

Mike, my husband went to RIT. Actually the NTID at RIT. He said it was hell on the trimester system.

posted by Ever Curious on Oct 03, 2002 10:10PM

That was some of the funniest shit I have ever read thanks for the laugh my buddy mike is still busting a gut.

posted by Ron Small on Jan 09, 2003 11:36AM

anytime man

posted by Jess Chahanovich on Jan 10, 2003 08:12AM